Guess what, mom!

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10 abril

Today I told my mom I'm gay.

Not sure what I expected, but I was cautious knowing she was a particularly conservative woman once upon a time. Seems she has liberalized a bit since then, though, seeing as how I got a hug and a "you're still my son" and a listening ear about my heartache.

She was quite prepared to accept D, as a matter of fact. I'm sad that she doesn't have the opportunity to do so now. I know she liked him a lot, said so again today, and given time she would have loved him like her own.

Speaking of that whole scenario, I am actually feeling very good these days. I've gone from acute crisis to a slow-burning disappointment in the whole thing. It still punches me in the gut totally out of the blue from time to time, but at least it's not beating me constantly like it was.

Why is relating to people so hard? Why do we make things so difficult for ourselves? (Rhetorical questions here, people...). All I can do is focus on me and just let that scene fall into place on its own. One thing I do know is I am done with love. I've seen that either (a) it just isn't enough to make some things work; or (b) what we think is love really is not. I never used to worry about issues of compatibility, but in this case it's like fitting a Mac and a PC together. They both work fine, but they don't communicate very well.

It's all very sad, that is what it is. Especially to think that some day (if things don't work out) we will just be two people who dated once upon a time. And to think I was (and perhaps still am) willing to give my life over to him out of love. It's impossible for me to fathom that reality. But alas, as far as I can figure, I am not needed. And that in and of itself should really be the only answer I need.

11:40 p.m. | Agregar al blog

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Darklightescribió:

Glad to hear of your mom's reaction. I imagine there's a very good chance she already knew, and was just waiting for you to say something.

I don't know that one gets to decide to be done with love. It seems to me that love has a way of just happening. Although I agree with both of your statements -- love isn't always enough to make things work, and often what we think is love is not. However, sometimes love is enough, and sometimes love is what we think it is. And on being needed -- well, it's not all it's cracked up to be. I'd rather be not needed, but wanted anyway. Being needed is draining after a while, especially when you don't feel wanted at the same time.

I'm glad you're feeling better honey. xox.

18 Abr

Sandy Lumsden-Gallantescribió:

Jim I am so very glad you came out to your Mom. I too was afraid of what my Mom would say when I told her. To this day, even though she is not with us anymore I know in my heart she loves Marcel as a son. Keep talking to her.. she is your Mom. Take Care my ABC friend. My ears are always open to you.

13 Abr

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